My Theory on Perspiration

Japan is HOT! I mean this in the literal sense, although I am sure after the announcement of the Tokyo Olympics 2020, Japan is hot gossip as well. This has been one of the hottest summers on record for Japan. Some places topped over 40 degrees, which is unheard of. Of course, coming from the land of scorching summers and skin cancer, I shouldn't complain, but I am going to anyway.

Since coming to Japan I have taken a liking to eating out pretty much every day. This habit has been a contributing factor to some unforgiving kilos, which has motivated me to take up running. I try to run twice a week. During the summer this was made difficult by the scorching heat and blanket of humidity that seemed to hang around for months on end. It has finally started to subside now, thank goodness, but as I was running through the blazing heat, sweating a river, I decided upon a new theory.

My new theory is that there is a much more repulsive level of perspiration that is in existence only in Japan. In this theory there are four levels of perspiration. The first level is a light glaze. Your body is just starting to warm up, and you are feeling alive and well.  The second level is the normal level of sweat you would expect on a summers day or while doing a moderate amount of exercise. The third level, previously known as the highest level but has now been downgraded, is sweating profusely. This is typically reserved for rigorous exercise on a hot day, and is not a pleasant feeling. However, I have found that there is something worse. Something that is more uncomfortable than sweat pouring from you. This is level four, code red, and I have termed it skin liquefaction.

Let me paint you a picture. Sweat coating your entire body. Your clothing is drenched. Your eyes are burning with salty sweat. Your hair is matted to your neck, your head, and your face. You feel like someone has just pulled you from a lukewarm pool, and is continuing to poor water from that pool down the crevasse of your back, slowly. Skin? What skin? There is nothing keeping the 70% of you that is water from escaping onto the ground below you. You are pores, open pores.

I leave you with this picture of me during summer. Just kidding, this is a random picture off of the internet, but it looks like this guy knows what I am talking about!

Also, Japan needs to make stronger, all body deodorant, and Japanese women need to start wearing deodorant. The biggest culprits are cashiers at supermarkets. You are working in AC all day, how can you smell that bad?? Rant over. 


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